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Alphabetical list of the types of men I’ve met on Grindr,Scruff, Manhunt & Mister

Grindr, Scruff, Mister. You name the app and I’ve given it a shot. I find after many tricks research, guys on these apps fall into at least one of these categories.

Type A: Anonymous. No conversation. No names. He walks in, you get plowed, he leaves.

Type B: Bareback. For the POZ and those who wish to be. Don’t even talk to me about the “I’m an HIV- BB bottom, HIV-neg tops only. Please be honest!”

Type C: Crossdressing. Could be full on dress, wig and heels or it might be just a pair of his wife’s panties.

Type D: Drag. Not to be confused with Type C. This is a man who goes all out to transform himself into a woman. He’ll even come with a special name like “Anita Man” or “Lo-lo Hung”

Type E: Enema sex. Could be from a bag or your recycled beer straight from the tap.

Type F: Fisting. Not much to say on that one. Apparently, my hands are too big.

Type G: Gloryhole. Apparently, the only thing some of us learned in high school wood shop is how to drill a 5 inch wide hole in a door.

Type H: Hardware. Get ready to be strung up with rope, chain, pulleys and a specially welded double a-frame.

Type I: Internet. Y’all aren’t ever going to hookup. He just wants you to message him over and over again about what you would do to him if you did hookup. That way he has some custom made jackoff material.

Type J: Jizz. Up his ass, down his throat or all over him. He doesn’t care about the fucking, the sucking or the jacking. All he cares about is the jizz, jizz, jizz. A nice trick, next time you see him on the beach, go up and whisper “Bukkake” in his ear. Watch how fast he flips over to hide his erection.

Type K: Kink. This is a wide open type. For some people kinky is sex with the lights on! Then again, you could be in for a night of heavy bondage, followed by some flogging, breath control, racking and then a good golden shower to make those welts burn just right.

Type L: Lovequest. Oh, you answered an ad to plow some ass. Soon as you’re done, he wants you to move in with him. Run. No, seriously; RUN LIKE HELL!!! He wants every man who fucks him to settle down with him and live happily every after. Don’t try to explain to him, just RUN.

Type M: Masturbation. Mutual masturbation can be fun. I just wished guys knew the difference between stroking cock and jerking on it like you’re milking a cow.

Type N: Non-sexual. Believe it or not, some guys are looking to be held, cuddled and petted. Think of it as a date where you go to bed, but he says “Clothes on. Keep it above the waist. Closed mouth kissing. Okay, let’s have fun!”

Type O: Oral. Strictly oral sex with this guy. You suck, he sucks, y’all get off, you go home. I prefer when oral leads to anal, but a really good blowjob can be nice.

Type P: Party. No, not balloons and candles on cakes. This guy is on meth or otherwise high. Just hope he’s a bottom because, like booze, it “increases the desire, but taketh away the performance”. Too literary? His dick is as limp as day old spaghetti!

Type Q: Queen. Nothing wrong with that, unless he looks like a big, butch mountain man and talks like Mae West.

Type R: Roids. Not the hemm kind, the “stick a needle in your ass” kind. This guy is huge. I mean HUGE. He’s a hulking mountain of man. Unfortunately, depending on where he is on his cycle, the equipment might not work. If he’s on the right part of his cycle, then hold on because he’s going to fuck you hard and loooooong.

Type S: STD/STI. Unless it is a Type B encounter, WEAR A RUBBER. Also, get yourself check out for EVERYTHING. Some have no symptoms and you don’t need to share them.

Type T: Tickle. Yup, some guys are into being tickled senseless. I know a big muscle boy who likes to be tied down on his bed and have his boyfriend and myself tickle torture him for an hour or so.

Type U: Unclean. He wants you dirty. Go for a 5 mile run. Don’t shower, don’t wear deodorant. He wants your mansmells intact.

Type V: Virgin. Oh, sure he’s a virgin. I’m sure you’re the first person to reply to his ads. I mean, who would want to sleep with an 18 year old gymnast? He fucks like a pro? He learned by watching videos. :-)

Type W: Watersports/WS. Open wide boy, daddy’s got some recycled beer for ya.

Type X: Xtreme. Oh, he wants to be fisted…by three or more hands at once. String him up…by his balls. Take out your cricket bat and take swings at his hardon. Only the roughest and toughest need apply. If you don’t own a violet want, he’s probably not for you.

Type Y: Young. He’s a twink, but is he legal? You’d better ask to see some ID before you bend him over. If he can only meet at his house before 6pm, that’s probably a sign that he’s got to get fucked before Mommy and Daddy come home to check his homework. KEEP AWAY.

Type Z: Zero. The number of men who actually show up at your group sex party after asking for the pics of everyone else coming, where it is, what to wear, what to bring, etc.

Special Types:

Type BS: Bait and Switch. Men will lie to get laid. What? You didn’t know that? It is true. 5 inches becomes 7. 45 becomes 35. 210 lbs become 180-185. They figure you’ll be so horny when you get there, you’ll just do them. Have your camera phone in hand when they open the door, if they lied, snap a photo and put it up on Craigslist with their e-mail address, fake pics and fake stats. Public humiliation has a way of rehabilitating people fast as hell.

Type UL: Undercover lover. His boyfriend doesn’t know they are in an open relationship! Soon as he’s outta town or off to work, he online looking for a hookup.Very common with the boyfriends of pilots and oil rig workers.

Type GEN: Generous. If a guy is looking for a generous man, he doesn’t want you to make sure he comes first, he wants to make sure you pay him first.

Type K9: No, he’s not a Doctor Who fan. He likes your dog. I mean he REALLY likes your dog.

Type UA: Unattainable. Forget it, he’s out of your league. Not that he’s actually out of your league, but it makes him better to say that when you reject him.

Type NR: Mr. “I’m not racist!” Except, he doesn’t like any men who aren’t blond haired and blue eyed. He’ll even reject you if your spray tan is too dark!

© pornforpatric.net

When you meet that confident looking hot guy & go for coffee. Then you realize he’s not confident, he’s arrogant, cocky and completely self absorbed. 

Now, I’m home with Vodka and my Fleshjack and having a much nicer evening.

antique-erotic:

jafcord:

  • acrobat naked, profile view - anonymous, about 1889

A quite quite beautiful photograph of a remarkable feat of strength, balance, and flexibility - wonderfully lit to highlight the well-defined muscles and lovely fluid curves of his fine athletic build, and printed in a sepia tone which adds a pleasant warmth and softness to the image’s charms; an unusual, unforgettable portrait of an unknown young man.

antique-erotic:

A simply sublime example of Wilhelm von Gloeden’s work, two of Taormina’s finest inhabitants stand for the camera, one posed to show off his body with pride, the other favouring casual effortless elegance. Take a closer look at the lovely long legs of the young man on the right : the telltale pale streaks give away one of von Gloeden’s trade secrets - a mixture of pigment and oil which was applied to the amateur models’ bodies, to even out skintone and disguise the tan lines gained in their everyday lives, so nothing could detract from their beauty, or spoil the classical look he aimed for.

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